As I’ve said before I tend to take life, and myself, WAY to seriously.
It is not difficult to become so wrapped up in my thoughts and proceed to make a little drama out of life in my head. I have made a recent discovery: news flash, no one really cares! At least not to the amount I think they do in my head. So, in honor of this revolutionary discovery I’ve decided to write on a more light-hearted subject this time around. I tend to be and get myself into awkward, embarrassing situations that your average human seems to avoid more regularly. This is simply a compilation of random Jen mishaps to remind myself that no one cares as much as I do when I mess up. And if you get a nice laugh out of it, then BONUS!
Mishap #1
For this first, random, embarrassing moment we need to rewind to roughly eight-year-old me. I was in a community soccer league in the quaint town of Nixa Missouri. So, to say games were not a momentous event would be an understatement. Nevertheless, to me, those soccer games we kind of a major deal. I was by no means the best player on the team, not even close come to think of it. On one particular night I was unexpectedly given the ball and had to do something with it. It took me a moment to process that I actuality had the ball, but once I did, I ran with everything I had in those twig like, eight-year-old legs and kicked that ball into the goal like my life depended on it.
I was so overwhelmed by pride and joy from my addition to the score board that I had neglected to listen to crowd, my coach, and my team screaming at me all the way to other end of the field. Ya, that “goal” I made, it was for the other team. In my frenzied excitement of receiving the ball I had managed to block out all the warnings from the crowd that I was running the wrong direction with the ball, which led to a point for the other team, a fact that my young heart couldn’t bear. It was the most monumental embarrassment of my life; a peak of failure and I was sure my social life had just died.
Reality check: the parents laughed, the kids moved on, and I was the only one who replayed it in my head for over a week.
Mishap #2
Coming up next, don’t miss out on the time Jen had a complete and utter blonde moment when it came to tools. The year was 2012, my age was fifteen, and my brain, was not all there. My dear father had kindly requested I retrieve a Phillips screwdriver for him. Gladly, I wandered out to the garage to retrieve said screwdriver. After a frustrating ten minutes, I gave up and ran back inside. In my distress I tried to explain to my dad that a screwdriver with the brand name, “Phillips” did not exist in his tool box… He could only stare at me. Finally, he mustered up the strength to speak, “Jen, where did I go wrong with you?” Turns out Phillips is a type of screwdriver and not the name of a brand, go figure.
Reality check: you’re never too old to learn something.
Mishap #3
Fast-forward to a more recent event of this past summer. It was my first day of training for raft guiding and nervous doesn’t even begin to explain how I was feeling. In my mind I was way in over my head thinking I could learn to guide and question what in the world I was doing here. After a highly informative and confusing hydraulics lesson, my new boss announced we were heading out to the river. After preparing and loading the raft there were only a few simple instructions: go to the bathroom now, grab your helmet, and grab your PFD (lifejacket). I can do that, I thought.
We had a nice twenty-minute drive to our put in, just enough time for me to make myself so nervous I wanted to pee my pants and to realize I had forgotten my helmet: I was an idiot. I neglected to say anything until we reached our destination, fearing the wrath of the boss man. Here I was on my first day of training, hadn’t even entered the raft yet and I had already managed screw up. With my heart pounding I got up enough courage to tell my boss about the whole helmet situation. The look of frustration and disappointment on his face made the last of my confidence drop to the ground.
It was the most awkward drive back to the boat house to retrieve the helmet and find a place along the river to drop me off in order to join the others in the raft. After that I was pretty sure the word “IDIOT” had been permanently stamped on my forehead. All the world was asking the same question, “Why in the world did she think she could ever be a raft guide?”
Reality check: even though I was sure my rafting career had ended before it had even started, I did become a certified raft guide. My boss just made fun of me for the entire summer. And you are the only one who thinks your mistakes are bigger than they really are.
Mishap #4
Last, but certainly not least, a riveting mishap that occurred more recently. I believe the fateful day was towards the end of September, I can’t recall for certain because I’m sure I have attempted to block this scaring moment out of my memory. Anyways, I had just started my full-time job for the fall and gladly volunteered to do the dishes in the break room after lunch. The task was simple really, just stick the dishes in the dishwasher and hand wash all the others that couldn’t fit.
The first part of the task went smoothly (or so I thought) I stuck the dishes in there, popped some soap in, and pressed start. As I went on my merry way and continued washing the rest of the dishes, I noticed an odd sound coming from the dishwasher. To my horror and utter shock, I glanced down to see a third of the break room covered in suds. I lurched for the dishwasher to stop the machine but alas, it was too late. As the door flew open, and a mountain of Dawn dish soap bubbles erupted forth from the machine.
The store manager decided that this would be a good moment to enter the break room and simply said, “who was the idiot that did this?” Everything inside of me wanted to claim innocence. Right the one of the clothing ladies walked in and kindly suggested we simply let the soapy situation be known over the radio so that the person would remember it was their fault and come clean it up. That was it, I couldn’t remain silent any longer, no one else could take the blame for this.
“I might have, accidentally put Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher, potentially.”
Everyone lost it, probably thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I, on the other hand, was dying from embarrassment on the inside, thinking the manager was regretting ever hiring me while questioning my brain capacity. I spent the next two hours of my life cleaning the dishwasher, that thing has probably never been so clean in its entire, dish-washing life.
Reality check: The manager did not fire me, it wasn’t that big of a deal, and now it’s just pretty darn funny.
This has been story time with Jen, tune in next time to hear how Jen dumped a whole bottle of dish soap on the boat house floor…
We are all human, a simple fact. However, I believe we overlook it much too often. We get it in our heads that those around us have their life together, where we conjured up this idea, I don't know. We are easily intimidated by appearances, when in reality, they are just as intimidated by you. So embrace the beautiful, glorious mess you are and take a
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