Make me Your vessel Make me an offering Make me whatever You want me to be I came here with nothing But all You have given me Jesus, bring new wine out of me
REST
It’s something we all do. Yet, I feel like the American version of rest doesn’t quite encompass the entire meaning of this word. Most of us (including me) associate the idea of rest with sleeping, or motionlessness. However, according to the Webster Dictionary, rest is also defined as a peace of mind or spirit, free from anxieties.
I too often fall for the first definition and find myself with immense feelings of guilt if I’m not constantly going. There’s always something to do, someone to keep up with, some house chores, errands to run, reasons why you can go into work earlier, or stay up later because of a school project. The idea of simply being, without the Netflix, without scrolling on your phone, without music blasting, it’s a foreign concept I have yet to master, nor even begin to understand or accomplish.
Yet, almost every time someone inquires as to how I am, my go to answer is,
“good, just tired.”
ALWAYS tired, all the time. The general consensus of people is that we are tired.
Of what?
Why?
And is it more than just physical exhaustion?
What does rest look like for you? It’s there, I promise you. It’s in the smallest moments and greatest trials, He’s in them all
When did it become acceptable, even praised and looked highly upon to get the least amount of sleep? It’s like there’s this race to see who can sleep the least, because, after all, sleep is for the dead. There are always more credit hours you can take, more jobs to take on, and more hours at work. I’ve watched myself easily fall into a comparison trap that tells me if I’m not perpetually exhausted than I’m not doing enough, I’m not working as hard, or I’m not putting enough effort in.
In hindsight I can easily view the absurdity of this cultural view of rest. For most people I would say the summer signifies a season of rest, or in the very least a shift from the normal. We in-distinctively desire to slow down, to do something different, or just take a nap.
For me and my fellow guides, the summer signifies longer hours, loss of pay, intense training, expected exhaustion, and once a week shower. Where for most the summer is a gateway to rest, mine seems to be a perfect path to complete and utter burnout. Now, I’m fully aware that I‘m not the only one who does not have a restful summer. There is a fair share of people who never take a break no matter the season of the year.
The picture I’m attempting to paint is this: In my season of so-called rest (i.e fall and winter) I dealt with some of my most restless moments. I too often find myself playing the “what if” or “should have” game with myself. It’s a disappointing one to play, mostly because you never win. If I had more time in the morning to read my Bible. What if I had gotten up earlier? I should have gone to church. I should have read my devotion instead. If only I had their position. I should be as competent at that as they are. If only I had more skills. If only things were different.
If only I had. More. Time.
I don’t want to spend my whole life waiting for that perfect morning where I have the ideal amount of time to read God’s word and talk with Him. Because the reality is, I’ll be waiting for that moment until eternity. I’ve been wrestling with this quite a bit lately. If I let a simple thing like time discourage me from investing in my relationship with Christ, how much more discouraged will I be when larger obstacles rise to hinder me?
Why do I always feel like I need more in my life to make my relationship with Christ worth pursuing? Now that I’m in the middle of the summer season, the concept of complete rest seems nonexistent and quite comical. However, God is gracious in teaching slow learners like me important truths. This past week I had the opportunity to be on my first week-long of the summer.
As a guide on a week-long trip, we set up camp, invest in the students’ lives, cook, clean, guide activities, worship with them, do small groups, prepare for the next day, and get back up and repeat it all again. These trips are known for being exhausting. From day one to the moment the vans pull away, you’re pouring every part of yourself into these students.
I've always tried to control things In the end that's what controls me Maybe that's why I'm controllin
(NF)
Stepping into this past week I felt weary, both physically and spiritually. I was frustrated with myself in my lack of time spent with God, the distractions I was halfheartedly attempting to fight, and disappointed in where my priorities and intentions were most of the time. In all honesty I was too busy for God, too busy to just stop and let Him know what was going on, how I was feeling, what I desired. For the first couple of days I remember praying for a change of heart, I was excited for this week but felt like I had nothing to bring to the table and my lack of positive attitude did not sit well with me.
I can’t quite recall what and when it switched, but something did. The opportunity to speak truth and life into a student’s life and realize God was speaking the same words to me seemed to shake me out of this odd funk. In that moment I was at rest in Christ. I stopped, all the jobs that needed to be done, all the stress of life decisions, all the endless worry and unnecessary distractions faded into the night. All that mattered in that moment was this student and What God says. And I realized that’s what should always matter most in my life.
God has a special sense of humor. He took the busiest week of my summer so far and gave me the greatest sense of rest I could have asked for, most definitely more than I had prayed for. And I remembered. I remembered last summer, how God came through in every week-long trip DESPITE how I felt, how energetic I was, how insufficient I believed to be. And I remember now. I recall how He has and still does faithfully comes through in my life every time and much more abundantly than I have ever asked or hoped of Him.
We spend so much time trying to manufacture a peace and rest that only God can freely give, and all we must do is rest in Him.
“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecution, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (1 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
This passage took on a renewed meaning for me this week. God is sufficient, He bestows everything we need to win this battle in His name and not ours, the amount of weapons and strength He gives us is purposeful. Nothing more, nothing less. This doesn’t fit my fleshly desires at least 97.6 percent of the time.
“I don’t like feeling weak”.
This phrase has passed through my lips more than once these past few weeks. However, the reality is we are all weak, sometimes it just takes a little more for us to notice how weak we are. But it’s in that greatest moment of weakness, when you don’t know how to fix it, what to say, what to pray, how to proceed, that God has granted me the most sufficient amount of rest.
No, it doesn’t’ mean I’m never tired, that I always feel close to Him. It doesn’t look like a perfect life or attitude. What it does mean is peace in the midst of chaos, rest in the busiest seasons. It looks like worship with a bunch of teens under an old pavilion, like a long talk with a brother in Christ, like the servant leadership in a fellow guide on peak hike day. It looks like a dance party in a youth group van, like the laughter floating from the boat house due to friendly banter between guides, like a warm hug from those you care about most.
What does rest look like for you? It’s there, I promise you. It’s in the smallest moments and greatest trials, He’s in them all. Stop struggling, the sweetest rest comes when we realize we don’t have the control to begin with. When a student says that this was the most impactful week of his life, you know that’s God, not you.
This week I was once again surprised and amazed that God CHOOSES to use such broken vessels as us. Through all our weaknesses He makes us strong, despite our many faults, He brings rest and joy through us. Wherever you are, whatever this season looks like for you, I challenge you to rest. Let Him give you rest.
So inspiring and well written! This is a daily reminder we all need. Thanks for sharing!